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Chapter 26 | Gillian Seetso

Kings and Queens I am 26 years old. No, I couldn't escape my birthday so I just had to start Chapter 26.

These past couple of weeks I have expressed how I was feeling as my birthday was approaching I was feeling like a failure. I kid you not, I have been in tears every single night ever since turning 26 and the words I keep on repeating are: "God, why am I struggling? What did I do to deserve this? To feel this way? To not succeed?" I do not have those answers but I do know that God will provide and open doors on His timing, not mine.

But on a lighter note, today I want to share with you 6 tips on how you can start getting out of the mindset of feeling like a "failure" or "loser" and to start chasing your dreams like the king and queen you are.

1. Journaling

Start writing down and write about your feelings. your ambitious, your dreams and goals in a journaling notebook. If you feel like there is no one to talk to, I encourage you to get yourself a journal diary and write all those feelings in there. Gosh, you can even talk to me because YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Photo by Jazmin Quaynor on Unsplash
2. Deleting Negativity

I know what you are thinking: "Gill, have you lost it? How does one just delete negative thoughts?" Well when I say "delete negativity" I mean stop feeding on the negative comments people give you or leave on your social media. Stop listening to the negativity from family. You are your own person, you need to grow into yourself to find yourself. And that you cannot do when negativity is in the room. We got no room or time for that.

Photo by sebastiaan stam on Unsplash
3. Big girls do cry.

The amount of times I have held back my tears just because of "big girls don't cry" act, has really bought me to a place where as soon as I would cry, I wouldn't be able to stop. Cry baby, cry. Let your tears do the talking when your mouth can't find the words. Let it out. It is okay to cry.

Photo by Claudia on Unsplash
4. Set Goals

"A goal without a plan, is just a wish" - anonymous Don't be that person! Start setting goals, daily goals, weekly goals, monthly goals and yearly goals. Write them down and focus your energy on achieving them. For the longest time, I never understood how people are able to "beat the odds" until I started learning that people work towards their goals, they set goals and make plans. Why can't we do it? I AM NOT A FAILURE! I AM A GOALSETTER! can I get an amen?

Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash
5. Dust yourself off!

We rise, we fall and we rise again. Today, you might be feeling like a failure but that is not who you are. Tomorrow is a new day, new opportunity don't waste it on what happened yesterday, a week ago or 10 years ago. No matter how bad things get, you will always stand up and dust yourself off and try again.

Photo by Samuel Ng on Unsplash
6. BeYOUtiful

Be You babe, time is to short to be anyone else. You are a King/Queen, who is destined for greatness. Who is ready to take over the world one day at a time. 

I am not writing these steps just to have a blog post out, I am writing them because they have become my guideline, my way to proof to myself that I am not a failure, that I will rise and I will shine. 

It has not been easy, but it sure as hell will be worth it! - Gillian Seetso

Gillian Seetso 

I AM A FAILURE | Gillian Seetso

Initially I was going to record a video speaking openly about this but everytime I thought of filimg, tears filled my eyes and my voice became shaky. I am turning 26 in three days and I feel like a complete FAILURE.

Birthdays use to be somethings that I use to look forward to but now I just want to skip them (if I had a choice). Each birthday just reminds me of the goals I have not achieved, "how behind I am in life" compared to my friends and peers, how nothing is working out and how I hate being back from where I once try to get away from. 

I literally feel like a failure at this point. I have only been back in South Africa for almost four months and nothing is working out. Doors are not opening, I am working myself to the bone but yet nothing is happening, where is my breakthrough?

And yes, I believe in God's timimg and His plan for my life but I just want to shout and ask WHEN LORD? WHEN IS MY TIME COMING? Because You alone know I can't do this anymore, no matter how hard I try and hide it and stay positive and strong I just can't do this anymore.

If you read my Open Letter To My Family, you would know I am already not in a very good space but I keep on smiling and grinding because life goes on. But how long does this grinding carry on? How long will I have to deal with this before I actually see a clear light at the end of the tunnel?

Look at me: people are so quick to say that I am beautiful, why am I still single, I am such a loving person, positive vibes and always laughing but look at me. Actually, just look at me! I am single (sometimes is by choice) but I just can't seem to "attract" the right guy, my prince charming. I don't have a house, I have a low paying job and I still create conent because that is how I am able to channel my energy and tell myself that is will all be okay. But I am starting to wonder if it really would be?

Truth be told, I am not excited to turning 26 because it sure looks like there are going to be more heartaches and tears in the future. 

I just sometimes wonder, "Where is my breakthrough?" - Gillian
Gillian Seetso 

Under 5 minute No Makeup Look | Gillian Seetso

If you are a beginner, love looking good and hate spending hours on your makeup, then this video is for you sis and boy. This is an easy no make up look that I created and the best part is that it is beginner friendly!

Let's talk some products:




You see, easy, cost effective and beginner friendly look. 

Sometimes all you need is the right type of gloss to finish off that look

With Love Gill

Open Letter To My Family | Gillian Seetso

I actually saw this concept on Victoria Da Costa's Instagram (@toridacosta_) regarding writing an open letter to her best friend. And that got me thinking that I also wanted to write an open letter to my family. As there is a lot I do not understand and maybe will never understand but to be able to move on with my life, I need closure and I need to know that it was said.

I've never done this before but here it goes...

All I ever wanted was just to hear "I am proud of you", "you did it" "Can't believe how much you have grown into yourself" but all I got was the opposite. Being told that I am a spoiled brat (knowing that my mom works as a domestic worker), saying that I am selfish (knowing that I always put everyone else's needs before mine) saying that I will fall pregnant before finishing school because I use to sleepover at my friends house. Kicking me out and threatening me and breaking me down to the core where even I started believing that I am worthless and that I don't deserve anything. Those were the things I remember growing up. The best part is as soon as I started standing up for myself it was seen as being "disrespectful" "cheeky" I just couldn't do anything right, could I? 

Fast forward to my twenties, moving to America and finally feeling free, free to be me, free to follow my dreams and free to actually dream. But as soon as I reach that peak of happiness I receive yet another email that breaks me down instead of building me up. Always having my skin colour thrown in my face like I chose to be black. Those things are the things that hurt, that cut deeper than a knife. But yet everyday I face it with a smile. 

But... with all the bad and all the breaking down there are some fond memories I have. Memories that made me who I am, memories that made me this little fighter I am, the figher who always hides her pain and sorrows with a smile. 

I don't want to focus on the bad but for me to be able to move on, I had to get it of my chest to be able to leave this chapter and start a new one. The thing that hurts the most is, I am back and everyone is acting like strangers around me. Only a handful of people are in contact with me (you know who you are) the rest deleted me on facebook, they don't communicate, it's like I never existed! 

I pray to God everyday and I am like "Lord, You alone know what goes on in their hearts but I do know, I don't deserve to feel like this and question myself about what I did wrong" Just even writing this I am filled with tears in my eyes as a place that I use to call home with familiar faces around me, has just become a place that brings heartbreak to me and I feel SO unwelcome every single day. 

But at the  end of the day God knows why this is happening and why I am feeling this way and why I am getting that type of treatment. 

With that being said; I will forever love you and see you all as my family. No matter the skin colour nor the blood running through our veins. Because you were the family I got to know and the people who I see as my family even after what has happened, currently happening and what will happen. 

Wishing you all nothing short but happiness, success and plenty of blessings. 

Sometimes the best thing to do is just to let go and let God.

With Love Gill...